I'm learning that apart of self-care is loving yourself enough to walk away from people, places and things that no longer serve you. Self-love is creating boundaries that help you grow as you move throughout this journey. It's easy to be distracted and to get caught up in something that doesn't honor the royalty within. As I've been in my house due to COVID-19 I've had a lot of time to self reflect. One of the areas I looked within was love. I realized the best thing I could do for myself was to continue to love me. I want to share my story on how I've learned to choose myself and I hope it inspires you to do the same thing.

I thought I found my person. The person who was created just for me. I loved the sound of his loud laugh, the way he looked at me and the way he taught me things. The moments we had were special, sacred and I wanted those moments to last forever. After a year and a half, we talked about getting married. I introduced him to my family, and he introduced me to his. I thought wow this is it! I found my person! We’re going to make it through anything! I didn’t know months later the truth would slap me in my face. The plans we made started to crumble yet I stayed praying, wishing and hoping that things would change, and they did but not for the better. We fought like an old married couple without the rings, we both accused each other of things, communication was awful to the point we just ignored the issue trying to act like everything was okay. I knew then that this wasn’t going to work for me but for some reason, I kept holding on thinking things would get better. Who wants the perfect love story anyways but I realized that I do. Months went by and I finally got the courage to let things go. I moved on with my life, but he was always in my heart. About 9 months later we reconnected you know those “I miss you” check-ins by way of text, and it caught me off guard. We played that back and forth game two years after that. Things would be great then go back to being crazy. I realized I had to get out of this toxic cycle we were going in circles and enough was enough.

I had to make a choice to choose me and it wasn’t easy. I wanted my happily ever after, but I didn’t have any peace. I kept trying to piece things together, but I realized I was the only one trying to make things work. I realized I was fighting for what was and not what was currently happening. It’s easy to hold on to what used to be, but I had to open my eyes and see things for the truth. Potential is great but it brings no guarantees and though love is a risk I was done allowing my heart to be hurt. I knew I had to choose me. A few months of not talking and I got that same “Hey Lady” email because I blocked him so he couldn’t text me. I won’t lie I almost fell for it. I considered it, but I knew nothing had changed and I realized I’m too old for these types of games. I spoke what was on my heart and asked him to leave me alone for good. That day I made the choice to choose me. I could have continued this bad cycle but what would it cost me? Dust settles queens don’t! As a single woman, it’s so easy to get caught up in situations that don’t honor the royalty within. I’m single but not desperate! I know my worth and shouldn’t have to ask anyone if they can see it. I know many other single women can relate to holding on to someone because its familiar or maybe you’re holding on to what it used to be. I want you to know that you’ve got to get the strength to fully let him go.

Love doesn’t hurt it heals. I know the narrative that women must go through hell and back with someone is always being pushed in our faces but I’m here to tell you that is not true. If his actions don’t honor you, respect you and show you how much he loves you it’s time for you to let it go. Men do what we allow. I realized I allowed myself to be available to someone who wasn’t trying to be available for me. I was trying to create a space for me in his life, but I never belonged there. Make the choice to be free! I’m so glad that I finally decided to choose me!