2018

Ark / 2018
walking away

I Love You, But I Love Me More!

One of the worst situations to be in is to feel like you're not in a good place with someone you love. Relationships take work, patience and time. Sometimes you will reach a point where you realize the love you once had just isn't the same and that it's time to make some changes. Sometimes that change means you've got to walk away. For some reason society, social media and this culture pride itself on this struggle love mindset that if it's not hard it's not right and I say the devil is a liar! I do not agree that love has to be so hard and difficult in order for it to be right. I believe the wrong love blinds us into being stuck with this mindset that it has to be hard in order for it to be real. I've even found myself caught up in this mindset that if we didn't go through tough things then it's too good to be true. I had to snap out of it. That's a lie that is causing so many single women to settle, stay stuck and never move forward from relationships that are not good for them. Instead of embracing making the right choices we have a mindset to hold on to what's not working expecting for things to change. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result. Why do we ask God for a sign then get upset with the answer? We have got to love ourselves more than we love the relationship, more than we love the man, more than we love being able to say we're in a relationship. Being single is not a death sentence. I'd rather be single then trying to force someone to make me feel like I'm worthy of their love. When a man loves you everything about you will be at peace. Loving the wrong person makes you feel like you have to fight for their time, love and affection and if you find yourself in that struggle maybe it's time to let go. I know this isn't a popular subject and most people will agree that sometimes you do struggle in love but if this relationship is causing you to cry more than wearing a smile, lie more than telling the truth, fake happiness more than you really being happy I want you to ask yourself is it really worth it? I've been in this situation where I had to walk away from someone I loved because the love he gave wasn't the type of love I needed and to be honest it wasn't love at all. I wanted to be able to share the fairytale story. I wanted the happy ending but I realized that though I had to walk away I got my happy ending when I found the good in goodbye and made the choice to choose me. So if you find yourself in this position I want to share with you three reasons why you have to love yourself more.

1.) You've lost your joy.

When you have to start making up excuses, lying to yourself and others it's time for you to get real and ask yourself I'm I happy? Not that fake happy where you're alright because you know you at least got someone by your side but I'm talking pure joy. Is this situation sucking the joy out of you? Are you always stressed out and depressed over something about this relationship? Do you have to continue to communicate the same issues over and over again? Have you given up and now you don't even address the concerns you have because you're scared of the outcome? Who you connect yourself to has the power to empower you or drain you and if you're in a relationship with someone who is draining you why aren't you making the choice to love yourself more by simply walking away? What makes you think you have the power to change them when you're still working on you? As women we get caught up with potential thinking we can make him become the man we envision him to be but that's an inside job for him not for you.

2.) You Know its time.

The very fact that you're in this position lets me know you know it's time. You know it's time to let go so you can grow. You know it's time to move forward and learn the lesson that this relationship taught you. You know it's time to go through the process so you can get to your promise but because of fear, you haven't made the move. Fear will keep you thinking that this is the best thing you'll ever have and even if it was good why would you settle for good when you can have great! You don't have to settle and the very fact that you're going back and forth in your mind about this relationship is because you know you are. Queens don't settle in any area of their lives and when we try to it's uncomfortable! It's not apart of who we are to settle and that tug you're feeling that's telling you to let go is God trying to get your attention so you can move. God can't bless something he's not apart of and a lot of us get involved in these relationships without consulting God then we pray and ask him to fix what's broken when we shouldn't be in them. You know when it's time to arise and do something different but what's stopping you? You've got to get over the fear of the unknown and trust what God is blocking in your life.

3.) You're tired of the cycle.

How many more "this times" are you going to have with this man? How many more times are Y'all going to start over knowing you really need to end? How many more times are you going to go in circles with no change? Why are you so stuck on this working instead of waiting for the relationship that will? Stop the madness! He keeps coming back because you keep allowing it! This isn't love this is a soul tie that needs to die so you can live. This is bondage to a person who obviously isn't for you! It's time for you to make a choice and stick with it. It's time for you to move on an trust that this breakup does not have to be the thing that breaks you. You're stronger than this and you deserve better than more broken promises and the potential of things getting better when they haven't the last three times you've tried. Let it go so you can grow.

I understand this can be tough but holding on to a relationship that makes you question your worth isn't what God has for you. You've got to remember that you're royalty and you are valuable. You deserve the love you keep trying to give to everyone else but first, you have to give that love to yourself. When you know who you are you know what you deserve and you will not settle for just anything. Yes, I understand you love that man but you've got to love yourself more so don't just close the door lock it and throw away the key. If you find yourself in this position I want you to take my Relationship Detox Quiz and find out where you are so you can get to where you need to be. Dust settles, Queens don't!

Love,
Natalie

Confidence - 02/27/2018
surprised_woman

Can I Get A Man If I Serve God?

This is the month that we celebrate love and all the great things love can bring when the right person finds you but what if you're single? Does that mean that because I don't have a "bae" that I've got to feel some type of way? All day on Valentine's day I read the post from women who are married or in relationships give this formula to singles on how they too can "be found" as long as we "put God first." Can someone point that scripture out to me in the Bible because I don't know where that is? Where does it say God will grant us boyfriends if we just put him first? I'm confused and sadly I see some women feeling like they aren't worthy to have an amazing King because they don't meet these "requirements" that many singles ministries teach. It's one extreme or the other and we don't follow God to get a spouse we follow God because we love him not just the things we can get from him. I'm going against the crowd on this but I'm positive I'm not the only single and saved woman that's so over hearing all this teaching on "How To Be Found" can someone teach us how to live? Can we learn everyday practical things that will help up become better in our walk with God without feeling like the goal is just to "be found" Can I just become a better woman of God?

I know there is a big attack on kingdom marriages and an attack on the fathers not being in the home so I get it we need to break that cycle but can we stop being rushed? Can I become a kingdom woman first? Yes, we need to be prepared for marriage I am not saying we don't need to seek wise counsel concerning our future spouses but we need to also be consistent in our own personal walk with God before we even think about submitting to a husband. If I can't submit to God I won't be able to identify a man who can't either and now because I've rushed I've married someone who can't lead me correctly. How many of those stories do we hear? I don't think people are realizing just how harmful this repeat teaching to single women can be. We are confused! One moment it's "Go Seek Purpose and Live Fearlessly" and the next it's "Five Steps To Attract the one" Why is this the focus of so many Kingdom couples? Couples who haven't even been married all of five minutes but are doing webinars and teaching classes on how to have a successful marriage. How sway? How? Why is this all of a sudden a trending topic? One thing that stands out to me the most is it seems everyone's story is the same. You met each other from friends, at church or online, fell in love, stayed pure, never kissed, starting courting for a really short time, got engaged, got married, and now your life is amazing and wonderful. Why don't we get to hear the real deal? What about the times you don't agree? What about the times you almost sinned and fornicated? What about the times you wanted to give up? Let's be real relationships aren't always perfect! We hear nothing but the fluff and women who are desperately single, frustrated with their singleness and willing to settle to say they have someone come flooding to these types of events and teachings. Why are we no longer teaching wholeness with the intent to love Christ and love ourselves in the season we are in? Why must we feel so much pressure from within the church to feel like marriage must be the ultimate goal in life as if singles have nothing else to offer the world? Everyone's story will not be cookie cutter perfect and their marriage can still be blessed! What about those of us with an ugly past and have children? How do to we handle dating? How do we not fall back into our old sinful ways? If you haven't been through it how can you help us? They say just pray and God will send someone and things will get better. Okay so now we're telling folks to pray as if God is a genie in a bottle to grant me my wish of a nice tall 6 feet man with a nice smile? *Giving major side eye!*

Enough is enough! As a saved, single woman over 30 with a child please stop telling to us to just pray! You're telling me to go pray while you go have the comfort of your husband every day. Oh and don't tell a single mom having a husband is "more work" when you actually have someone to take the kids for a moment. Hello, we don't have that luxury! It's not encouraging, in fact, that statement is an insult. I'm not even going to get into the whole topic of men teaching us how to be found while they should be praying for us they prey on us. Stop telling us that if we give God all of us that we will get rewarded with a man. We don't live holy just to get a man! I've seen the "How To Get a Ring In 90 days" ads on social media and I'm appalled that people think that's okay! This might not be the intent of every couple who is teaching this so let me clarify if this doesn't apply to let it fly! I'm just thinking of the new Queens that just started to believe in Christ. What happens to someone that doesn't have a full understanding or a personal relationship with Christ yet are we really teaching them this formula to live right and a man will come. Well, what happens if Mr. Right doesn't show up? We are being sold false dreams, repeated lessons on YouTube from someone else and making them think this walk is about having a man as a reward. It's so sad to see so many people doing this and cashing in on it because we have so many people who are desperate feeling like being found is the key to all their problems. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but getting married will not heal you. I'm ashamed. I'm annoyed and honestly, I'm over it. I hate to break the news but you serving God and living a life according to his will does not mean in three months you're going to meet Mr. Right and live happily ever after. God knows your heart and if your intentions are not right he knows that so maybe that's why you're frustrated in your singleness because you thought you can put on a show for God. Your reasoning for living a life according to God's will should be based on the love and relationship you have with him not what you can get from him. Don't be misled--you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.Galatians 6:7. Your title doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you're active in ministry or that you faithfully go to church every Sunday you can't serve God just to get a man.

To my beautiful saved, single Queens I want you to know that I understand the struggle. I'm right here with you! I'm on this journey also but I'm here to change the narrative that your worth is found in a man. Hear me clearly I'm not saying we don't need a man because I believe in the beautiful covenant of marriage. If you're one of those "I don't need a man" women I'm praying for you because that statement is coming from bitterness and brokenness that needs to be healed. What I'm saying is I don't want you to continue to believe the lie that you're not significant because you're single. I'm here to change that lie that you're damaged goods if you're single. Yes, you may have some broken pieces that need to be made whole but as you continue this journey of releasing the Queen within God will mend your broken heart, renew and restore you like never before. I can say that with confidence because he has done it for me. I want you to know your singleness is not punishment for your past and shouldn't be the source of all your pain. It's time for us to get serious about seeking the help we need to heal and start being content with the season we are in. Sure we could settle for just anyone but we've got to stop allowing society, people, and the church to make us feel like we hold no value because we're single. Queens don't settle in any area of our lives so don't allow the pressure of "being found" cause you to get lost in a relationship that God did not ordain for you. I had to learn this hard lesson myself and the process was not pretty. Don't make the same mistakes I've made trying to force a relationship that God was not even in. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and I need a reminder that God is with me I remind myself of this Bible verse. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. Psalms 37:4-5 It reminds me to delight myself in him because in him I will be transformed and my desires will be to have a heart like his. I'm single that's the season I am in and I won't rush God trying to please my flesh for temporary happiness. I rather have real joy and peace of mind knowing that this time I'm doing things the right way.

You can be single, saved and set free!

Love,

Natalie.

Confidence - 02/19/2018
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Embrace Your Season!

This week the world celebrates a day of love. For some Valentine’s Day makes them feel like something is missing in their life because they haven’t been found by “the one” when in reality they are just in a different season in their life and that’s okay. Daily I see so many posts, memes and pictures about “relationship goals” yet we have no idea what those couples are going through and if they’re even happy. Social media shows us the highlight reel of everyone’s life causing us to compare ourselves to strangers on the internet. We see what they choose to share and sometimes people aren’t who they “post” to be. I’m all down for rejoicing in others celebrations and blessings because I know God’s got a blessing with my name on it and there is absolutely no one who can stop what God has for me but me. It’s time to reject the spirit of proving and learn to embrace the season we’re in. When you compare yourself you’re robbing yourself from being able to live in the moment. I want to share three reasons why it’s important to embrace your season.

1. You’re missing the moment.

The worst thing you can do is focus on what you don’t have that you neglect what you currently do have. When you’re too busy looking at what others have or what they make you believe they have you will end up missing the moment that you’re currently in. Society makes being single a curse when actually it’s a blessing. If you’ve been through enough heartache you will not settle for just anything because you know your worth. Instead of focusing on the relationships you don’t have place your focus on the ones in front of you. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with amazing people. Spend more time focused on the people you have rather than the ones who are gone. Stop missing the moment to create great moments because you’re focused on what you don’t have. This applies to relationships, business, and your personal goals. You will continue to miss the moment when you’re focused on everyone and everything else.

2. You could be comparing yourself to a lie.

Let’s be real people fake the front to look like they have it all together when they can be falling apart. In my previous blog, I wrote about wearing a mask and how it will mess you up if you allow it. You could be comparing your single walk to someone else who’s in a relationship but behind closed doors feels lonely and aren’t happy. You don’t know the hell that person is going through to keep the image they’ve portrayed. People lie, people front and because your focus is off you’re comparing yourself to something that might not even be true. Focus on your crown and let it shine from within. The more you compare yourself the less you’re focused on what really matters and that’s your glow up! You can’t become better while being bitter about the season you’re in. You will always feel like you’re “missing out” but if you focused on your happiness instead of being jealous of what you think others have you’ll be able to embrace your season and what others have won’t bother you.

3. What God has for you is for you!

Your time is your time and it’s absolutely nothing anyone can do about it! You have to learn to embrace where you are so you can appreciate where you’re going. Who said every season of your life was going to be perfect? Who said you wouldn’t have bad days? Who said your journey was going to be comfortable and you weren’t going to have to be stretched like never before? As you are releasing the Queen within you’re going to have growing pains. God has plans for us and it’s not to harm us so why do you think the season you’re in is working against you rather than for you? If God gave you everything you wanted right now would you honestly be able to handle it? You’re single for a reason and it’s NOTHING wrong with being single! You have to relax and stop trying to force situations to work because you could be working against the season God has for you and causing yourself to stay in it longer than you should. Don’t rush the process. You will have everything God promised you but you have to trust, know and believe that for yourself.

It can be challenging seeing others be blessed with what you think you want but if it was something you’re supposed to have you will have it but in God’s timing not your own. Stop rushing to be in a season that you’re not currently ready for. I’m 31 single and though I have my moments I know I’m in the process of becoming the best version of me and whoever God has for me will be blessed and highly favored. Until then I am fully embracing this season I am in. I’m focused on my glow up in all areas of my life I have no time to miss the moment or compare myself to others because I know what’s coming is better than what’s gone and there is a blessing in the wait. I’ll wait for God’s timing and rest on his promises for my life. Don’t get frustrated in the process because if you do you’ll delay your promise. You are still a Queen even without a king. Crowns up!

Confidence - 02/12/2018
Mask1

Mask Off, Crown On!

Do you know how dope you are? No like seriously do you know how beautiful, amazing, talented, educated and blessed you are? There is nobody like you and it's time you embrace the real you! So many of us have mastered wearing the mask that we want others to see instead of being authentically ourselves. There is nothing like the freedom you experience when you're able to let go of trying to be something you are not. When you are living life off of other people's opinions of you, you're not living and eventually, the mask will fall off. My definition of Queening is embracing the Queen God called you to be. I used to wear the mask of perfection trying to make sure I presented myself as perfect Patty and well perfect Patty had a breakdown just like the one in the movie Why Did I Get Married 2. I was tired of allowing people to hold me up to this standard of perfection in everything that I did. I had to look right, talk right, act right and I was just latching on to someone else's idea of the woman they wanted me to be.

It breaks my heart that I see so many Queens doing the same thing. We wear a mask in relationships, in friendships and even with God. I know God be like hmm she fronting! There is no future in fronting and social media has created so many "ideas" of what we think we want people to think about ourselves. People are actually buying likes and followers to be "seen" and it's just sad to me. What happened to us embracing our differences? What happened to us being able to compliment and be happy for others when they are being blessed? What happened? We have got to stop being fake and phony! Take the mask off Queen! You dishonor your crown when you try to be anything other than yourself. It took me some time but I finally got to the place of freedom where I stopped caring about the thoughts of others and embraced the woman God created me to be. Even Jesus had haters but he didn't spend all his time thinking about them or even addressing them. Sometimes the real hater is you. It's 2018 and I'm here to help you adjust your crown. All mask need to be removed in order for you to become the Queen God's called you to be. I want you to think about these three things that could possibly be holding you back because you're wearing a mask.

1. God can't bless who you pretend to be!

If you think you can pull one over on God. God bless your heart! One of the main reasons you might be stuck is because you're pretending to be "strong" when God doesn't need you to be strong! You're trying to figure out everything so you wear the mask and think that no one can see you but trust me people see you! Remove the mask and be the Queen God created you to be. There is nothing wrong with you. You are different for a reason! Queens stand out we don't fit in so stop trying to be what everyone wants you to be and do you! It's exhausting trying to be what everyone else wants you to be. Eventually, you will burn out. You are no good to others or yourself when you are pretending to be someone you are not. Don't be the reason you're missing out on living the life God designed for you to live because you're pretending. I feel it's an insult to God when you're pretending to be anything other than yourself.

2. You're blocking the process that leads to your promise!

Who said this journey was going to be easy? Who said you wouldn't face some challenges along the way? Who said this process was going to happen overnight? You can't expect to get to the promise that God has for you without going through the process. You might be thinking well I'm tired and if you are that's the best place to be because you've got to get sick and tired of being average. God created you to be extraordinary so you can't think average, you can't be around average people and you can't skip the challenges that are going to continue to come your way as you are on this journey. The only way you know what you are really made of is when a challenge is before you. Stop trying to take the easy way out! You need to hard days so you can appreciate the easy days. Everything you've been through was necessary for you to push through and become the Queen God is calling you to be. You're blocking the very thing that you want because you're trying to take shortcuts. Grow through what you go through!

3. Learn the lesson!

Everything happens for a reason and you might not know exactly why things had to happen that way while you're in the moment but as you continue somethings will be reviled. You will take the same test over and over again until you pass. Instead of complaining about where you are asking yourself what can I learn from this? Ask yourself what is this moment teaching me and how can I grow from this? Even though situations may cause us pain we can learn from them. Past failed relationships taught me what not to do and what didn't work for me moving forward. You have to take time to evaluate the situation and be honest about it so you can learn the lesson and move on!

Coming from someone who used to master in wearing a mask I'm asking you to do something brave and remove your mask. The mask is keeping you stuck with people, places and things that don't honor the Queen you are. Wearing a mask is stopping you from receiving the many blessings God has for you. Wearing the mask is preventing God from blessings you, making your process longer and keeping you from learning the lesson. True Queening is being real with yourself and you can't honor the royalty within when you're wearing a mask. Trade the mask for a crown and make adjustments as needed!

Pick up your crown!

Confidence - 02/03/2018
Reclaim your crown

Adjust Your Crown!

When you're on the path to greatness you have to stay prayed up but you also have to prepare for the attacks that will come to attempt to get you to step off your throne. You don't have to attend every fight that comes your way. Remember just three weeks ago you made a bold declaration that 2018 was going to be "your year" so it's time to not just talk about it but be about it. When you're focused on your goals be prepared for distractions to come your way in many different forms. Maybe your finances are being attacked, maybe your health or maybe your relationships are changing and though those different situations can be stressful you must not allow them to cause you to shrink back to the old you. You've worked too hard to get this new mind and it would be a tragedy for you to allow someone else's opinion become your reality. As you're allowing your crown to shine you've got to remember that you are royalty and you don't have to apologize for it. How other people feel about you is none of your business. Yes, I know they talk about you and maybe even lied to others about you but you've got to rise above. It's so easy to be caught in petty drama these day's because some people thrive off of it but you don't have to allow yourself to be sucked into it. I want to share three way's to deal with difficult situations.

1. Remember who you are.

When it seems like all hell is happening to you remember who you are. Remember all of the test and trials you've overcome and know that you've got the victory in every situation. In my previous blog, You Always Win I talked about having the mind of royalty. When you remember that you're royalty you won't allow any and everything to move you. A queen doesn't step off her throne. Whatever issues you're up against you've got to know that it's just a temporary situation and this shall pass! Don't allow petty people and petty drama to cause you to dishonor your crown. You're on a mission and you've got no time for games.

2. Take ownership.

Now if you're like me you know you can encourage someone to live but then there's the dark side that if you wanted to you could drag someone and read them until it hurts to no end. *Honest moment God is still working on all of us!* Since you know how you can be you've got to be careful how you allow yourself to respond to the mess. I have moments where I fail at this and it's not that I forget who I am it's that I sometimes feel tired of being the "bigger person" *because I am only 4'11 I can't be LOL* Seriously though sometimes you reach a breaking point and that's why it's so good to have a relationship with God because in those moments you can simply pray and allow his presence to change your perspective. When you are wrong learn to take ownership apologize if you can and if you're not wrong you don't have to defend yourself. The truth always outlasts the lie don't try to figure it out or anything just be still. Take ownership for the part you played because though we don't like to admit it drama just doesn't show up all the time sometimes we invite it into our lives. So if this is you remember to take inventory of you. What's bothering you? Find the root of it? Fully forgive and hold your peace! Know that you're on the right track and just continue to trust God.

3. Don't you dare give up.

Queens don't quit so don't you dare think you're about to say forget everything and walk away. No, maim! Get up! Adjust your crown! Keep calm and carry on! The battles come to teach you how to fight! I'm not talking about throwing hands either! I'm talking about being prepared for what's to come. God checked me this week and made me realize that what I'm going through is nothing compared to the battles that are ahead. Walking in your purpose isn't always pretty. You'll lose friends, money and time. You'll make mistakes, bad choices and you won't always do things in excellence but you my dear cannot quit! I once was a perfectionist and I realize just how much that was holding me back. I wanted everything to be perfect like I saw everyone else's life seem to be on Instagram. I quickly learned everyone arent who they "post" to be and that helped me from feeling like I had to pretend to be perfect because I'm not. Every day I strive to become better and some days I have felt like throwing in the towel but this is bigger than me. Your purpose is bigger than you and you can not expect this to be easy. This is why prayer and having great friends are so necessary. Don't get caught out here without surrounding yourself with great people. If you don't have support consider joining The Throne Room where you can get the support you need to not just survive but thrive.

I've had some great days and I've had some bad days and when I have those moments I remind myself to have the mind of royalty and I adjust my crown. When you remember who you are, take ownership of your part and make the decision to never give up that is when you are open to receive the biggest blessing! Don't block your blessings by allowing life to cause you to put down your crown. Adjust your crown as needed and always wear your crown. Your crown is not invisible let it shine for the world to see.

Crown On!

Confidence - 01/23/2018

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