One of the worst situations to be in is to feel like you're not in a good place with someone you love. Relationships take work, patience and time. Sometimes you will reach a point where you realize the love you once had just isn't the same and that it's time to make some changes. Sometimes that change means you've got to walk away. For some reason society, social media and this culture pride itself on this struggle love mindset that if it's not hard it's not right and I say the devil is a liar! I do not agree that love has to be so hard and difficult in order for it to be right. I believe the wrong love blinds us into being stuck with this mindset that it has to be hard in order for it to be real. I've even found myself caught up in this mindset that if we didn't go through tough things then it's too good to be true. I had to snap out of it. That's a lie that is causing so many single women to settle, stay stuck and never move forward from relationships that are not good for them. Instead of embracing making the right choices we have a mindset to hold on to what's not working expecting for things to change. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result. Why do we ask God for a sign then get upset with the answer? We have got to love ourselves more than we love the relationship, more than we love the man, more than we love being able to say we're in a relationship. Being single is not a death sentence. I'd rather be single then trying to force someone to make me feel like I'm worthy of their love. When a man loves you everything about you will be at peace. Loving the wrong person makes you feel like you have to fight for their time, love and affection and if you find yourself in that struggle maybe it's time to let go. I know this isn't a popular subject and most people will agree that sometimes you do struggle in love but if this relationship is causing you to cry more than wearing a smile, lie more than telling the truth, fake happiness more than you really being happy I want you to ask yourself is it really worth it? I've been in this situation where I had to walk away from someone I loved because the love he gave wasn't the type of love I needed and to be honest it wasn't love at all. I wanted to be able to share the fairytale story. I wanted the happy ending but I realized that though I had to walk away I got my happy ending when I found the good in goodbye and made the choice to choose me. So if you find yourself in this position I want to share with you three reasons why you have to love yourself more.
1.) You've lost your joy.
When you have to start making up excuses, lying to yourself and others it's time for you to get real and ask yourself I'm I happy? Not that fake happy where you're alright because you know you at least got someone by your side but I'm talking pure joy. Is this situation sucking the joy out of you? Are you always stressed out and depressed over something about this relationship? Do you have to continue to communicate the same issues over and over again? Have you given up and now you don't even address the concerns you have because you're scared of the outcome? Who you connect yourself to has the power to empower you or drain you and if you're in a relationship with someone who is draining you why aren't you making the choice to love yourself more by simply walking away? What makes you think you have the power to change them when you're still working on you? As women we get caught up with potential thinking we can make him become the man we envision him to be but that's an inside job for him not for you.
2.) You Know its time.
The very fact that you're in this position lets me know you know it's time. You know it's time to let go so you can grow. You know it's time to move forward and learn the lesson that this relationship taught you. You know it's time to go through the process so you can get to your promise but because of fear, you haven't made the move. Fear will keep you thinking that this is the best thing you'll ever have and even if it was good why would you settle for good when you can have great! You don't have to settle and the very fact that you're going back and forth in your mind about this relationship is because you know you are. Queens don't settle in any area of their lives and when we try to it's uncomfortable! It's not apart of who we are to settle and that tug you're feeling that's telling you to let go is God trying to get your attention so you can move. God can't bless something he's not apart of and a lot of us get involved in these relationships without consulting God then we pray and ask him to fix what's broken when we shouldn't be in them. You know when it's time to arise and do something different but what's stopping you? You've got to get over the fear of the unknown and trust what God is blocking in your life.
3.) You're tired of the cycle.
How many more "this times" are you going to have with this man? How many more times are Y'all going to start over knowing you really need to end? How many more times are you going to go in circles with no change? Why are you so stuck on this working instead of waiting for the relationship that will? Stop the madness! He keeps coming back because you keep allowing it! This isn't love this is a soul tie that needs to die so you can live. This is bondage to a person who obviously isn't for you! It's time for you to make a choice and stick with it. It's time for you to move on an trust that this breakup does not have to be the thing that breaks you. You're stronger than this and you deserve better than more broken promises and the potential of things getting better when they haven't the last three times you've tried. Let it go so you can grow.
I understand this can be tough but holding on to a relationship that makes you question your worth isn't what God has for you. You've got to remember that you're royalty and you are valuable. You deserve the love you keep trying to give to everyone else but first, you have to give that love to yourself. When you know who you are you know what you deserve and you will not settle for just anything. Yes, I understand you love that man but you've got to love yourself more so don't just close the door lock it and throw away the key. If you find yourself in this position I want you to take my Relationship Detox Quiz and find out where you are so you can get to where you need to be. Dust settles, Queens don't!
Love,
Natalie