This is the month that we celebrate love and all the great things love can bring when the right person finds you but what if you're single? Does that mean that because I don't have a "bae" that I've got to feel some type of way? All day on Valentine's day I read the post from women who are married or in relationships give this formula to singles on how they too can "be found" as long as we "put God first." Can someone point that scripture out to me in the Bible because I don't know where that is? Where does it say God will grant us boyfriends if we just put him first? I'm confused and sadly I see some women feeling like they aren't worthy to have an amazing King because they don't meet these "requirements" that many singles ministries teach. It's one extreme or the other and we don't follow God to get a spouse we follow God because we love him not just the things we can get from him. I'm going against the crowd on this but I'm positive I'm not the only single and saved woman that's so over hearing all this teaching on "How To Be Found" can someone teach us how to live? Can we learn everyday practical things that will help up become better in our walk with God without feeling like the goal is just to "be found" Can I just become a better woman of God?
I know there is a big attack on kingdom marriages and an attack on the fathers not being in the home so I get it we need to break that cycle but can we stop being rushed? Can I become a kingdom woman first? Yes, we need to be prepared for marriage I am not saying we don't need to seek wise counsel concerning our future spouses but we need to also be consistent in our own personal walk with God before we even think about submitting to a husband. If I can't submit to God I won't be able to identify a man who can't either and now because I've rushed I've married someone who can't lead me correctly. How many of those stories do we hear? I don't think people are realizing just how harmful this repeat teaching to single women can be. We are confused! One moment it's "Go Seek Purpose and Live Fearlessly" and the next it's "Five Steps To Attract the one" Why is this the focus of so many Kingdom couples? Couples who haven't even been married all of five minutes but are doing webinars and teaching classes on how to have a successful marriage. How sway? How? Why is this all of a sudden a trending topic? One thing that stands out to me the most is it seems everyone's story is the same. You met each other from friends, at church or online, fell in love, stayed pure, never kissed, starting courting for a really short time, got engaged, got married, and now your life is amazing and wonderful. Why don't we get to hear the real deal? What about the times you don't agree? What about the times you almost sinned and fornicated? What about the times you wanted to give up? Let's be real relationships aren't always perfect! We hear nothing but the fluff and women who are desperately single, frustrated with their singleness and willing to settle to say they have someone come flooding to these types of events and teachings. Why are we no longer teaching wholeness with the intent to love Christ and love ourselves in the season we are in? Why must we feel so much pressure from within the church to feel like marriage must be the ultimate goal in life as if singles have nothing else to offer the world? Everyone's story will not be cookie cutter perfect and their marriage can still be blessed! What about those of us with an ugly past and have children? How do to we handle dating? How do we not fall back into our old sinful ways? If you haven't been through it how can you help us? They say just pray and God will send someone and things will get better. Okay so now we're telling folks to pray as if God is a genie in a bottle to grant me my wish of a nice tall 6 feet man with a nice smile? *Giving major side eye!*
Enough is enough! As a saved, single woman over 30 with a child please stop telling to us to just pray! You're telling me to go pray while you go have the comfort of your husband every day. Oh and don't tell a single mom having a husband is "more work" when you actually have someone to take the kids for a moment. Hello, we don't have that luxury! It's not encouraging, in fact, that statement is an insult. I'm not even going to get into the whole topic of men teaching us how to be found while they should be praying for us they prey on us. Stop telling us that if we give God all of us that we will get rewarded with a man. We don't live holy just to get a man! I've seen the "How To Get a Ring In 90 days" ads on social media and I'm appalled that people think that's okay! This might not be the intent of every couple who is teaching this so let me clarify if this doesn't apply to let it fly! I'm just thinking of the new Queens that just started to believe in Christ. What happens to someone that doesn't have a full understanding or a personal relationship with Christ yet are we really teaching them this formula to live right and a man will come. Well, what happens if Mr. Right doesn't show up? We are being sold false dreams, repeated lessons on YouTube from someone else and making them think this walk is about having a man as a reward. It's so sad to see so many people doing this and cashing in on it because we have so many people who are desperate feeling like being found is the key to all their problems. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but getting married will not heal you. I'm ashamed. I'm annoyed and honestly, I'm over it. I hate to break the news but you serving God and living a life according to his will does not mean in three months you're going to meet Mr. Right and live happily ever after. God knows your heart and if your intentions are not right he knows that so maybe that's why you're frustrated in your singleness because you thought you can put on a show for God. Your reasoning for living a life according to God's will should be based on the love and relationship you have with him not what you can get from him. Don't be misled--you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.Galatians 6:7. Your title doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you're active in ministry or that you faithfully go to church every Sunday you can't serve God just to get a man.
To my beautiful saved, single Queens I want you to know that I understand the struggle. I'm right here with you! I'm on this journey also but I'm here to change the narrative that your worth is found in a man. Hear me clearly I'm not saying we don't need a man because I believe in the beautiful covenant of marriage. If you're one of those "I don't need a man" women I'm praying for you because that statement is coming from bitterness and brokenness that needs to be healed. What I'm saying is I don't want you to continue to believe the lie that you're not significant because you're single. I'm here to change that lie that you're damaged goods if you're single. Yes, you may have some broken pieces that need to be made whole but as you continue this journey of releasing the Queen within God will mend your broken heart, renew and restore you like never before. I can say that with confidence because he has done it for me. I want you to know your singleness is not punishment for your past and shouldn't be the source of all your pain. It's time for us to get serious about seeking the help we need to heal and start being content with the season we are in. Sure we could settle for just anyone but we've got to stop allowing society, people, and the church to make us feel like we hold no value because we're single. Queens don't settle in any area of our lives so don't allow the pressure of "being found" cause you to get lost in a relationship that God did not ordain for you. I had to learn this hard lesson myself and the process was not pretty. Don't make the same mistakes I've made trying to force a relationship that God was not even in. When I'm feeling overwhelmed and I need a reminder that God is with me I remind myself of this Bible verse. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. Psalms 37:4-5 It reminds me to delight myself in him because in him I will be transformed and my desires will be to have a heart like his. I'm single that's the season I am in and I won't rush God trying to please my flesh for temporary happiness. I rather have real joy and peace of mind knowing that this time I'm doing things the right way.
You can be single, saved and set free!
Love,
Natalie.